Our kitties used to love each other!!!

After reading the other postings I suppose only time will help with my situation but here it is if anyone has any suggestions.
We've got two indoor kitties. One of which (Sebastian) has the desire to go outside all the time. The other (Izzy) is a sweet little runt content to stay indoors.
Thinking we were giving Sebastian a treat we would let him frolic in the backyard on the occasional nice day. Well this time after he came back from his brief frolic he smelled musky and of cat pee and Izzy (who used to worship him) turns into a ball of razor sharp flailing nails if Sebastian gets within four feet of her. One time when I was holding him she actually jumped on my leg and pierced my jeans and leg to try and get at him.
So we've given him a bath he's sleeping in the laundry room safe and sound and she's under the bed. Their fighting seems soooo bad it will be hard not to break it up, as I've read people suggest here at the forums. But what's all this about flower, and herbal remedies for destressing cats?
My heart is broken to see my sweet Sebastian sleeping on the dryer, I actually saw kitty tears in his eyes twice this weekend after an Izzy attack! -No wounds tho luckily.
Any help is appreciated.

There is an easy solution. Get a slightly damp towel and rub Izzy from head to toe with the towel. Do extra rubbing on her cheeks. Now that the towel is saturated with Izzy smell, rub that same towel all over Sebastian. This way Sebastian will no longer smell threatening.

You can also buy some Feliway. Spray this on a towel and rub both kitties with the towel. This has a friendly cat pheramone which will mellow the cats.

You can also get one of your shirts really sweaty and smelly and then rub both cats with your own scent.

Working with the scents should be a great help.

Hi Catzilla (love that User ID!!) and welcome to TCS Forums!

This kind of stuff seems to happen all the time with kitties, and the one thing that I have found that works consistantly for me is to make them all smell alike - I know that sounds strange, but it has worked for me for nearly 20 years, and I highly recommend this to anyone who is experiencing problems such as yours.

While I employ this method mainly at Vet Visit times, it can also work for problems with indoor/outdoor kitties such as yours. I have modified my description of the technique to fit ~your~ needs.

After you let the outdoor cat go outside, spray just a little misting of your perfume on your hands, rub your hands together until the mist is mostly dry, then pet each of the cats who are NOT going outside so that they all have your fragrance on them. Before you let the outside cat/cats back in the house again, repeat this procedure for the cat/cats who went outside - but do it BEFORE they come into the house.

Needless to say, I've had plenty of people tell me that perfume contains ingredients which may not be suitable for cats to lick from their fur. So, accordingly, I DO NOT wet my hands with the perfume, there is only a slight mist, and after rubbing my hands together, that mist is dry to the touch before I apply my hands to any of my cats. I have been using this method for nearly 20 years, and have never observed an adverse reaction in any of my cats from it. Most of the time, they take a sniff, then get real busy washing each other! *grin*

Hope this helps!

Gaye

P.S. I am not certain how you would feel about doing this, but if it becomes a real problem for you, why not consider keeping your cat inside at all times unless you employ the use of a harness and lead and are out with to supervise. That way, kitty can't run off, get sprayed by other cats out there, come home reeking of eau de local feral tom feline and upset your indoor kitty, not to mention worse things that are possible out there unprotected. My continued best to you and yours ...

O.K.,
Thank you all for your responces. Here's where we're at.
Izzy (the crazy/angry indoor runt) has been QUITE calmed with the Feliway. She seems nearly indifferent to her scorned lover, but still doesn't want him coming upstairs at all, not even to use the litter box. We've been closing the bedroom door and bringing Sebastian upstairs where he quickly "goes" and then makes a dash to go back downstairs. Needless to say the fact that she/Izzy hasn't turned into a demonic ball of claws seems like a real improvement.
The closest they've gotten to each other is three feet away when I got 3/4 of the way up while trying to coax Sebastian up the stairs. Izzy was sitting at the top and did nothing (again, feliway is incredible) but now poor traumatized Sebastian gets freaked (understandably) and starts the growling up until he dashes back downstairs to hide in the dryer.
Sebastian and Izzy used to sleep with us, Seb.s under the covers and Izzy on top of the covers on or next to me. We are heart broken that Seb.s has been confined to the dryer, he's such an affectionate kitty, he gives real kitty hugs where he wraps his little arms around your neck and squeezes. I will give this all time, continue with the feliway and try some of those other scent related methods but will we ever have our cozy kitty family back to normal? When? i.e. how long will this take?
Also thought I'd clarify that both kitties are indoor kitties but because Seb.s had the desire to go outside we allowed it on occasion. Never again! Our neighborhood is full of outside kitties so we had started to feel like maybe we weren't being fair. We never want to go through this again so he will be consistently indoors from now on.
Not to mention that according to the S.P.C.A. the average life span of an outside kitty is 3 years vs. 11-22 yr.s old for indoor kitties.

I would suggest a second bath to kitty that got sprayed with (as Gaye so elegantly put it) "eau de local feral tom feline spray" LOL Only this time, use about a teaspoon of Dawn liquid diswashing lotion in the water and make sure kitty has been scrubbed. eau de local feral tom feline can get everywhere and is hard to cut down the smell. Izzy may still smell it on her friend and can't quite comprehend the whole alien smell. Plus, if your windows are open, I would bet that the toms are spraying outside your home trying to entice sweet Izzy outside and the fumes could be coming in and be adding to the cats confusing behaviour.

Once the bath is complete, employ the damp towel rubbing manuevers on both kitties, then take the damp towel (before you launder it) and put it under Sebastian's food dish, put something unusual and tempting in the dish like tuna for humans, sardines, or something that Seb doesn't usually get and call him over to eat. Then do the same with the Izzy and then launder the towel. Good luck! They sound like such characters! You should take a picture of Seb in the dryer and submit to the Captions This Forum....

Also if Izzy is not spayed getting her spayed will help as will getting Sebastian neutered- if they are not already.


peace......

Catzilla? I just sent you a PM regarding your picture of Sebastian in the dryer. I removed your photo from the forum the PM will explain why. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

If you click on the link: user cp (above), you will see the way to access PM or private messages. Thanks!

Just thought everyone might like to see what the cutest little demon kitty looks like, here they are back when they were in love. Izzy (the calico terrorist) has Sebastian (the biggest lover kitty-black) walking on eggshells still.

What a beautiful calico/tortie!!! Those unusual markings are so stunning! I am coming right over!

If I lived anywhere near you, you would have to keep your house locked so I didn't sneak in there and steal those cute kitties. I tend to be partial to black cats and Loooove torties!

Good luck getting them to be buddies again.

<<She seems nearly indifferent to her scorned lover, but still doesn't want him coming upstairs at all, not even to use the litter box. We've been closing the bedroom door and bringing Sebastian upstairs where he quickly "goes" and then makes a dash to go back downstairs.>>

If that is the only litter box you have, you need to get another one in the area where Sebastion feels completely and totally safe and unstressed, an area where Izzy has "allowed" him to be in. This is very important. With two cats there should be at least two litter boxes anyway, three being the best. You don't want Sebastion to start going on the floor if he feels nervous to go past Izzy or if she gives him strong messages to not be in the area where the litter box is. Worse would be if Sebastion develops a stress disorder from wanting to use the box, but being too nervous to risk confronting Izzy. Stress plays a part in the development of urinary tract disorders, as well as other heath problems.

<<The closest they've gotten to each other is three feet away when I got 3/4 of the way up while trying to coax Sebastian up the stairs. Izzy was sitting at the top and did nothing (again, feliway is incredible) but now poor traumatized Sebastian gets freaked>>

As much as people want to be able to "fix" cat relationships, you really need to let them take things at their own pace. Even if Izzy is just sitting there (though cats can send aggressive messages with body language), if Sebastion feels nervous right now about getting near her, he will give of signals that she may interpret in a negative way, giving off her own negative signals, making him more nervous, continuing the cycle. Just let him go as close to her as feels comfortable doing all on his very own. Otherwise, things will get worse. The more negative interactions cats have, the more that becomes their habitual interaction. It can take weeks before they get back to their old happier relationship.

OK it's 1 week later.
Izzy and Sebastian are tolerating each other. Sebastian isn't sleeping under the covers yet but he's also not sleeping in the dryer anymore. It seems that for now, the downstairs is his and the upstairs is hers. They eat from the same kitty bowls but not at the same time, however we gave them the option of their own bowls and they opted for the kitchen one still. We've caught them sharing a windowsill at best; on these occasions it seems leaving them alone is better then praising them (probably because of jealousy issues).
All in all Sebastian lets Izzy go where ever she wants and she has resigned to not turning into a ball of flailing nails unless he tries to come in the bedroom.
We try to be passive and allow the kitties to talk/growl it out. We continually pet the kitties thoroughly (because we love them), rubbing each others scent on the two of them. Hopefully in time they're friendship will be healed completely.
Thanks to everyone for all of their help and to Feliway which was pivotal in the beginning.
-Catzilla

Glad to hear things are improving.