Are You As Upset By This As I Am????

Possibly what this site suffers from is over-enthusiasm When we see a problem we can help with we all rush in to give advice without thinking if it has already been said, or if it is quite the best thing to say. I agree with hopehacker though that TCS can treat the newbies as though they are completely cat clueless. I must admit to getting more than little annoyed when I first joined (good thing the IMO is over 100posts)
When some suggest purebreed origins for their moggies, they usually say they know how unlikely it is, but there are always several posts that just repeat this. I felt that it kind of crushes the newbies when we reject it out of hand (although I wasn't crushed so much as slightly wrinkled). I'm not directing this at anyone in particular, and goodness knows I'm probably guilty of this myself
On the pregnant cats and kitten care forum however there is a thread I just read which I thought was Great! Not pushy or repetative but informative, anecdotal and supportive.
Maybe this thread has encouraged us all to watch what we say a little more
The Mods must have the patience of a saint to put up with us all

I saw a situation where a new person, mentioned they were a breeder. Didn't ask a single bit of advise, just wanted to share their cat and that they were breeding said cat & that they had a cattery

Suddenly people were on her like ants in a sugar factory. "Do you know you should do, this?" "Do you know if you should do that?" "We approve of this" "We approve of that". "Do you plan to do this?" "Do you plan to do that?" Basically, it was an interogation, not a friendly 'get to know you' type of thing. I seriously doubt that breeder will come back to TCS. You could tell that everyone ASSUMED she was a BYB, and that she was going to have to PROVE herself, before getting any respect. I haven't seen her back here, after that. To be honest, the thread bothered me so much, I couldn't read any more of it. I know this poor woman felt like she was being pounced on from every direction.

Got to agree...some of the answers here to peoples posts are just downright rude. I once posted about Wonton - he'd just had an aggression episode and I was upset and sad and feeling hopeless like I almost always do when that happens, because it just hurts when my sweet little guy suddenly turns vicious. I posted on the forum, just venting my feelings, needing to get it out and be heard by people who will understand, and get why this is a big deal to me - cat people, in other words. Most people were supportive, but all one person had to say was something along the lines of "sounds like you dont trust your cat and he doesnt trust you. why bother even having a cat then? doesnt sound like your cat likes you very much". i swear that was the gist of it, and it was like salt in an already open wound, and so I responded to this person, maybe too harshly-I didn't think I was being harsh, just honest-I told them I found their post inappropriate. I almost left over that...but I decided to just give it a while longer and see how it is here. I think a little bit of compassion goes a long way, and I think watching how you word things is important too. Words can hurt people, and if someone is going through a rough time with their cat, it might help more to be supportive than judgemental and discouraging.

Also, it would be nice if people didn't assume. I know there are people on here who have been caring for cats for years, and they know (or think they know) every single right thing to do for a cat, and every wrong one...and so when someone comes in and asks a question, the oldies seem to assume that because the newb is asking a question about one thing, that they don't know ANYthing about cats. And the newbie is talked down to as if they're a bit slow, and that's really irritating as well. They're asking a specific question. Answer the question they've asked, and refrain from lecturing them on twenty other points, because really, who wants to be lectured to?

Also..people don't like to be made to feel as if they're stupid. It immediately puts them on the defensive, and it's really hard to learn anything new if you're feeling defensive-the mind just isn't open. "These are some reasons why your kitty should be allowed to stay in at night" is better than "You dont let your cat in at night? Do you KNOW what can happen to it? Do you even care? It could die!!"

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

I saw a situation where a new person, mentioned they were a breeder. Didn't ask a single bit of advise, just wanted to share their cat and that they were breeding said cat & that they had a cattery

Suddenly people were on her like ants in a sugar factory. "Do you know you should do, this?" "Do you know if you should do that?" "We approve of this" "We approve of that". "Do you plan to do this?" "Do you plan to do that?" Basically, it was an interogation, not a friendly 'get to know you' type of thing. I seriously doubt that breeder will come back to TCS. You could tell that everyone ASSUMED she was a BYB, and that she was going to have to PROVE herself, before getting any respect. I haven't seen her back here, after that. To be honest, the thread bothered me so much, I couldn't read any more of it. I know this poor woman felt like she was being pounced on from every direction.

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I've seen similar here and it seems as if a few people equate "I'm new here" with "I am absolutely ignorant about any form of cat care whatsoever and have impulsively obtained one without doing any research. I have not tried ANY options before reaching my current level of frustration. It is also to be assumed that my cat is unfixed ."

When I feel that someone has been vented upon, I try to send them a PM of encouragement. As hard as it is, I try to respect someone's decision (sorta like the parenthood-debates about corporal punishment - To Spank or Not To Spank) and will try to help them find the best solution for the cat. First and foremost is what the cats are going through. If someone is made to feel that cat-keeping is too complicated or difficult, there goes one, possibly more cats, off to be surrendered to the shelter

Originally Posted by BlueMum

"WELL I WOULD NEVER!" and "IF YOU LOVED YOUR CAT YOU WOULD/WOULDN'T" and "REAL CAT PEOPLE DO/DON'T" and "NO PERSON WOULD COME BETWEEN A REAL CAT LOVER AND THEIR CAT" and so on and so forth -- it's all very rude and quite unhelpful especially when the poster is obviously concerned enough to ask other people for advice instead of just gunning through in uneducated fashion about whatever issue they are asking about.

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If I am giving my OPINION, I would absolutely say, "Well, I would never..." However, I would never (no pun intended here) say to someone: "YOU should never..."

Just clarifying the difference between stating an opinion and telling someone what they should/shouldn't do.

There is also a difference between providing advice with constructive criticism, as some here do, with lecturing, as some others here do.

I have been guilty of (and I hope I've corrected it and haven't repeated it) being too harsh on some folks because I've gotten upset about their stated ignorance. I've had one post pulled and deleted as a result (thank you to whichever mod(s) did that for me) and I've learned as a result.

I think that the vast majority of forum regulars care, and that is the only crime: caring TOO much. We should all be a little more careful about how we respond to certains posts, especially as a result of reading through/participating in this thread.

Thank you, GayeF, again, for bringing it to our attention.

When rules are set out people should respect them as we are here for our animals and to talk to other animal lovers

Originally Posted by neetanddave

They call them PHM (power hungry moderators) on some boards!

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I've never heard them called that before! lol that's funny I'm glad our lovely mods aren't usually like that on here! I love TCS! I've always found the mods to be quite helpful!

I just want to say that the vast majority of posts here are good ones, and really we're not talking about every post in response to a question. I know that many, many cats have been helped directly because of posts here.

This is a reminder that we all need to think about how our post comes across before we hit Submit. Many times, when a person is frustrated they don't post enough information and questions do have to be asked. Sometimes the simple questions aren't answered because the poster may not realize what could come into play with their situation (i.e. a behavioral issue where people will ask if kitty is spayed/neutered or declawed).

If you find yourself upset by a post, by a poster's attitude (and we DO legitimately see this sometimes), or by their actions, take a step back and distance yourself from it. If you can't post a genuinely helpful post that is addressing the OP's question, then don't post. Vent to a friend, your SO/DH or your cat(s).

I would like to say that I am upset about what happened. Yet, I feel that this site is one of the best that I've ever been on, due to in part the moderators. I know that I have seen a post that I've found suspect and reported it in the past, and found that the response was faster than I EVER expected. To the OP, I will think twice about posting in the future, especially if the topic is heated, and thank you for bringing this to our attention.

Originally Posted by lookingglass

Yet, I feel that this site is one of the best that I've ever been on, due to in part the moderators.

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I agree, as upsetting as it is to not be able to help people because they leave or do not join because of threads like these, they are in the minority, and when something does happen the mods are great are sorting it out quickly. There are plenty of other forums where threads like these happen all the time and are not sorted out by the mods (or in some cases made worse by them) that hurts the forum as a whole a lot more.

I was searching this forum for "cat behavior" and stumbled across this post. I'm a little late to be replying to this, but I want to say to all of you: THANK YOU. I've been on many forums in the past (not about cats, but about other things) and it seems that every time I post here I cringe thinking "someone is going to fly at me any day now!" I know virtually NOTHING about cats, and we jumped off the deep end when we adopted four of them in less than a year. But, wow, I love these guys, and I'd adopt twelve more in a heartbeat! I'm learning as I go, and I always wonder if a question I ask is too silly, or shows just how ignorant we really are, and keep expecting someone to say: YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE CATS!!! I will also be reading posts by other people, and I'll expect someone to fly off the handle any second now by something being said/asked by someone else... but it never happens! I'm in awe over this... I've never been on a forum where people are so kind and patient!!! So I just wanted to say.... I've been very blessed by this forum and by the responses I've always seen to questions by people like me and others who may not be very cat-savvy. I feel this is a very "safe" place to ask questions, and I just want to say THANK YOU for your efforts in that regard.

I'm really glad that this thread has been revived, because I'm having "issues" with a cat forum I've been a member of far longer than I've been participating here. I've now been a moderator here for some time, and I sometimes feel I'm being too heavy-handed or by-the-book when I edit or delete posts, or request that members edit their posts. Not too much, as I'm a teacher by profession, and used to "correcting", but I do take negative feedback into consideration, as I should. I've had some time to read/post at the other site recently because of the holiday vacation, and I've been absolutely appalled at the posts there. There are so many posters attacking other posters personally, i.e., flaming, that I'm grateful that TCS has rules in place that forbid such behavior.
What I want to say is that I really appreciate how TCS members treat one another. Although emotions get high at times, most members respect other members' opinions/beliefs, and try to help them whenever possible. If a moderator intervenes, most members here seem to think about the reasons, and respond appropriately. In other words, here's to TCS members!

Originally Posted by jcat

What I want to say is that I really appreciate how TCS members treat one another. Although emotions get high at times, most members respect other members' opinions/beliefs, and try to help them whenever possible. If a moderator intervenes, most members here seem to think about the reasons, and respond appropriately. In other words, here's to TCS members!

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Amen. I know personally there have been times I've had to intervene and tried to do it tactfully but always wondered if the OP would think I was a nasty person (which I'm really not), but our TCS members continue to amaze me in such positive ways by understanding why and being so receptive to our advice and wishes to keep this the wonderful resource and site that it is. I too say thanks TCS members for being such a special group of folks.

i used to belong to a forum where people would take sides easily, and curse the other people out if they didn't agree. it's so reassuring to know that on this forum people care enough to actually take the time to write stuff like this. thank you so much!

Originally Posted by catcrazyperson

i used to belong to a forum where people would take sides easily, and curse the other people out if they didn't agree. it's so reassuring to know that on this forum people care enough to actually take the time to write stuff like this. thank you so much!

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I am sometimes over reactive in things such as when it comes to my cat...i have high emotions so somtimes when I post I think that people are going to judge me and how I am with my cats which they are spoiled little brats and Stormie is showing everyone how spoiled she is now shes trying to become alpha but I am so happy that no one on here is judgemental and that they give u the advice that they think is good and which is good I love getting advice from people on here because I am such a worrier and I like to make sure its nothing I need to over react to and things such as that...I am soo happy that I found this site and there are soo many wonderful people on here with great opinions and advice..everyone on here is soo helpful in so many different ways I it here and I have became addicted and I like sharing experiences with others and others sharing their experiences...what can i say its great here and the mods are great and helpful too

Oh no hunnies...you haven't seen mean until you log onto an IT forum.
while most of them are very business like, there are just as many people on this other forum I'm on that can be down right rude.

I.e one poster had some changes with her job benefits and she posted about it looking for advice and if this is fair, etc (it was in the careers section). There were several threads that stated "Either stop whining and get over it, or find a new job".
Their moderators allow stuff like this. They only moderate for racial remarks and such.

I have seen the threads you speak of though...I can see where posts can be misread, but there are some that have been downright narrow minded. I'm sure I've probably posted a few too.

I remember the old BBS-style UNIX forums ... *shudder* ... and if it became known you were a *gasp* newbie, well then you were fair game and hunted down appropriately. TCS is a flippin' tea party, complete with big, floppy hats, cucumber finger sandwiches and fine bone china compared to some of those forums!

It is hard sometimes though ... as a human concerned about the care and treatment of cats ... to read some of the posts. And many times, even the harshest of the harsh responses only repeat what I would have ~wanted~ to say if I could but take off my Moderator hat for a moment and not get slapped on the wrist for saying it. But, in the end, it doesn't help anyone. It certainly doesn't help the cats, that much we know for certain. And while it certainly doesn't preclude the offended member from seeking information elsewhere, it almost becomes an issue of pride. I happen to think that TCS is certainly right up there among the top sites (if not THE top site) when it comes to the vast number of Internet resources concerned with cat care and education.

I will cop to being somewhat interogative when a person talks about breeding their cats. I have been quite guilty of presuming a LOT when a very small few have dropped large, very obvious hints that they didn't know their own butts from a deep hole in the ground when it comes to standards of care and ethics when breeding. But what a lot of people don't see is the private interaction with those people. A lot of times, I might choose to publicly respond vaguely or sometimes, even not at all, but offer much more in the way of assistance in private message or email that no one but the OP and myself even knows about ... and I also happen to know that a lot of our members do the same thing.

In fact, there is a small network of people who have banded together within the Pregnant Cats and Kitten Care Forum - these people have agreed to "take on" a newbie who they feel a "connection" with either by geographical location or some other common bond. We sort of adopt these newbies and work closely with them via email, private message or even in the public forums to assist them with the care of a pregnant queen all the way through the preparation for and delivery of kittens to the end result of seeing the member spay/neuter. We call them "Kitten Buddies" and it is fast becoming a success. A few have reported they are making such good headway with these people and as an added benefit, have found a new, oftentimes longterm friendship.

I love this site and I really do care about everyone here ... I know a lot of you all do too. Let's all just remember the intended message and get on with the business at hand, shall we? We can leave the WMD along with the shock and awe for those other forums and just be sweet little peeps helpin' out the other sweet little peeps.

I agree we should be more tolerant and try to understand where the poster is coming from. I have 2 declawed cats and I always feel like I need to pre-empt when I post about it that they were declawed before I owned them, because I don't want to get flammed. And not all cats will be kept indoors. Even here in the States, there are just those cats that will not be kept. They are already accustomed to being outside. And not all people in every country has access to the pet foods we do in the States and some other countries. When my husband and I were together (he's from Iraq), he couldn't understand why I didn't want him to feed the cats table food. It's what they did in his country. And in his mind, it was better for them then some dried up pet food in a bag.

Ya know, I thought that the way this site is run was just the "way" forums were run. Quite honestly, I wouldn't be the cat mommy I am without the advice of people on this site, nor could I have ever been hired by my shelter. I have gone onto wedding forums and honestly, whenever I approach them with a question, I don't get an answer...all I get is nasty comments about how my marriage is going to fall apart because I'm only 21 and can't possibly be ready or mature enough to take these vows. Seriously now, what does my age have to do with finding an approprite officiant in my area?!

Now, there are topics on which I think OP's need the cold hard truth. Yes, there are nasty side-effects to declawing and it will put your cat into immense pain and subject him or her to a hard and long recovery period. Yes, if you let your cat outdoors it is simply more likely to be hit by a car, stolen, mauled by a dog or coyote, poisoned or simply move in with a different family. Yes, by not spaying or neutering you are contributing to a problem that takes the lives of 3-4 million companion animals every year. I feel that people DO need to know these things, and it's incredibly hard to deliver such somber facts over the internet. I've been working on my delivery a lot in the past several months. I think people need and deserve these facts...we as a forum are pretty good at delivering them with kindness, as tough as that is on the internet.

Oh, yeah, and our mods rock