Are You As Upset By This As I Am????

crittermom · Sep 22, 2006

I have read some posts and thought to myself "my God,if that were me, I'd be offended also".Just because of how some were worded.
I had something happen to me, and at the time....I was so upset that I thought about leaving the board.But, at the same time.....I have learned so much from members here and formed friendships also.I just let it slid and there WAS an apology from both parties,so we have moved on.
When I post to a thread, I try and put myself in the OPs position FIRST!Then I think how can I word what I want to say.
So many people come to groups looking for help and are disheartened by what others say to them.Be it breeding,grooming,the foods they feed.They are just looking for some help and info, not to be put down for their choices as pet owners and told they don't deserve to own pets.We all need to stop and think how it was for us when we first posted here looking for help.
I belonged to a dog board and it got REALLY bad!!! I mean to the point that I left that board and consulted a Lawyer for slander against me.
Even if we ourselves feel that the person is doing something wrong, we need to try and educate them on how to do it right.NICELY!!!
Weither a person declaws their cat,feeds poor food,lets them breed,lets them be inside/outside cats,can't tell the sex...........we need to be as friendly as we can and THINK BEFORE WE POST.

neetanddave · Sep 22, 2006

Originally Posted by crittermom

I belonged to a dog board and it got REALLY bad!!! I mean to the point that I left that board and consulted a Lawyer for slander against me.

It was that bad on the forums I left too. Really really vicious people... some of them had even gotten others home addresses and signed them up for junk mail, signed up to porn sites as the other people so they received porn e-mails...

There are some evil evil people out there...

crittermom · Sep 22, 2006

There are some evil evil people out there...

Yes, there are!!I got threatening e-mails,prank phone calls and they ran my name in the mud.

lovemycodygirl · Sep 22, 2006

Originally Posted by crittermom

I belonged to a dog board and it got REALLY bad!!! I mean to the point that I left that board and consulted a Lawyer for slander against me.
Even if we ourselves feel that the person is doing something wrong, we need to try and educate them on how to do it right.NICELY!!!
Weither a person declaws their cat,feeds poor food,lets them breed,lets them be inside/outside cats,can't tell the sex...........we need to be as friendly as we can and THINK BEFORE WE POST.

Amen to that sister!

P.S. I wonder if we were on the same dog board...some of those people were just downright MEAN! I thought they were going to come after me for saying our Siberian loved to sit outside in the snow!

ilovesiamese · Sep 22, 2006

Hey Gaye,

I completely agree with you. I tend to clash with people because I'm so strongly opinionated and I actually wanted to leave this site at a point not that long ago and was only posting once in a while.

I had to make a choice. Should I let those people ruin such a good thing for me, or can I put that aside and keep learning because this is a wonderful site for just taking information in. You don't even have to post really.

I know if it wasn't for your support back when I first joined, I'd still have no clue about spay/nueters and backyard breeders and such. I want to stay and continue to learn and grow as a cat owner so thank you!

yosemite · Sep 22, 2006

Very good points Gaye. When I first came to this board I apparently knew very little about cats even though I was born and raised on a farm with barn cats. I have been educated and am glad to be here but I can assure you that if I had been treated badly by some folks, I would not be here today.

I also have a friend who was going to de-claw her Ragdoll. I appealed to her and told her what declawing actually entailed and offered to help her learn to clip nails and suggested a good scratching post. Fortunately she listened and has no issues with her beautiful cat. Thank you TCS for the knowledge gained here for me to make that change to one cat's life.

There will always be folks who, for whatever reason, will not take advice and do what we feel is the right thing. But, keeping these people here so they can post, read and learn is the goal. Eventually they will come to understand the truth behind the vast experience of the older members here and become educated just as I did.

The only thing I'd like to add is that I think it is important that we really READ what the poster has written and respond to that rather than revert to a lecture. I often see responses that have not even addressed the subject of the original post but have instead just turned into a lecture. Nobody likes to be lectured to and will respond much better to caring information. So, yes, let's be kind and try our best to be helpful rather than turning people away by not thinking before we "speak".

valanhb · Sep 22, 2006

Always a good reminder, Gaye!

There have been many times when I write a post 3 or 4 times, coming back to the post twice that many times, trying to sit on my hands while formulating an acceptbable response. I guarantee that all of us have seen those posts that simply infuriate us! Sometimes it takes a lot of willpower not to lambast someone who REALLY deserves it.

And I also think that most of us have either deleted our posts after thinking better of it, or had it deleted for us.

Here's the other thing to remember too. We always have at least two to three times as many guests on the board as members. Yes, many of those are bots, but there are also a whole lot of people who never join the site, but do try to find answers to their particular problem. You never know who will benefit from a thread in the future who will never post. However, that same person can be just as quickly disenfranchised with the site because of how the OP is treated in a thread. So it's not just one person and one cat who may not benefit from the great knowledge that the people here have to offer, but many others who we will never actually know.

furryferals · Sep 23, 2006

Originally Posted by Cinder

gayef, I understand and share your concern for animals in need, but I don't think you should be beating yourself up over this and here's why...

It's great to share our experience and accumulated knowledge with others who need and ask for help, (yes, with polite tolerance), but thinking that a cat will continue to suffer if TCS doesn't provide the support needed is not necessary so.

Any owner who finds this site can find thousands of other resources. Do you really believe that after coming here for information, not liking what they're told (or the manner it was said) a person with animals in need would just say "Oh, to heck with it, let 'em suffer"? You know...that person probably does exist, but I'm not sure kid gloves and honey would make a difference. I don't think I ever saw this particular thread, but you obviously went the extra mile to offer help. It's not your fault they didn't accept. If it really matters to them, they will take the next step, pick up the phone, whatever it takes.

You deal with such a wide variety of pet owners here. Their resources, commitment and cultures vary. There are people on this board who live and breathe to take care of animals and would spend their last cent to provide for them. I doubt you will ever be able to completely remove the passion and directness with which some opinions and information are shared. And it's important to know that information shared here is often opinion and TCS has done a good job in pointing that out.

I guess the point of my ramble here is that I don't feel you failed anyone. The site does a good job of letting people share information and is probably more civil and moderated than most. It's a good reminder to play nice though.

Stop beating yourself up gaye,We really can only do what we can do.

That is why god gave humans free will,so they would have no excuse when they tried to get in heaven and say,"but God I had no choice".Every one has a choice.

Also my

Tuppence worth,I bet my last quid most of the people asking for help are just trying to save them selves money at the expense of their animals.

and I don't say this lightly,as I know from experience even when free help is offered to people on a plate,they refuse because they can make money from their cat having kittens,they can sell them to the nearest pet shop for ten quid each and its extra income for the

Also I don't think it does any public forum any good to appease one member when that member is spouting off and giving the wrong information and advice.
The whole point of this forum is to give accurate advice and help.If somebody does not know what they are talking about then they should not be giving advice to anybody and their posts should be deleted.
Has anybody wondered how many lives have been lost because a non-member read on here wrong information,No,I bet you never even thought of that!!

There are more people who visit this forum than become a member,They are not looking for false sympathy or trolling or flaming,so lets start giving the right advice eh?and why don't we get rid of the trolls,flamers and sympathy seekers?I know who they are and I'm sure there are a lot more members who do.

A Public forum is only as good as the advice from the members on that forum.

furryferals · Sep 23, 2006

P.S I'm really not having a go at any member,Nor am I being nasty in any way....
It is just the way I speak

jean-ji · Sep 23, 2006

People are positive or negative and that glass is half empty or half full, so advice is given or taken that way.

A positive response takes more thought and time than a quick knee jerk negative reaction.

The Preview Post button should be mandatory, not an option, and a ten second delay added before Send can be selected.

~Rhonda

hopehacker · Sep 23, 2006

I'll tell you what really bothers me. Someone new comes on here to share something about their cat, or about the fact that they are breeding their purebred cat, ect ect, and the first thing that comes out of a lot of people's mouth is unsolicited advise, and/or lectures. Everyone ASSUMES that a new person on the Forum's knows NOTHING about cats or breeding. These new people are often cross-examined like they are in a court of law. I say, give the new member a chance to share a bit about themselves, their cattery, or whatever, before the big cross examination, or the advise. Chances are, if these people were allowed to share a bit about themselves, you'd find out that they are either an experienced breeder, and that they KNOW what they're doing.

I'll tell you, had anyone done that to me, when I first started coming here, I would not be here today. To me, in comes off condescending (sp), and even rude.

crittermom · Sep 23, 2006

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

I'll tell you what really bothers me. Someone new comes on here to share something about their cat, or about the fact that they are breeding their purebred cat, ect ect, and the first thing that comes out of a lot of people's mouth is unsolicited advise, and/or lectures. Everyone ASSUMES that a new person on the Forum's knows NOTHING about cats or breeding. These new people are often cross-examined like they are in a court of law. I say, give the new member a chance to share a bit about themselves, their cattery, or whatever, before the big cross examination, or the advise. Chances are, if these people were allowed to share a bit about themselves, you'd find out that they are either an experienced breeder, and that they KNOW what they're doing.

I'll tell you, had anyone done that to me, when I first started coming here, I would not be here today. To me, in comes off condescending (sp), and even rude.

I agree 100%!!! I was not cat knowledgeable when I first came here either.It was with the helpful advice and info from members here that I learned about soft claws and the benifits of spaying/neutering cats.
So many people want to reach out and find friends that can share advice and info so that they can learn more themselves.I come here every day just to see what I can learn or maybe "help" with.We do not know what is really going on in a persons home,we only read what they write here.
I think we all need to read our posts BEFORE we hit submit and put ourselves in the OPs place to see how we would react.
I think the moderators do a WONDERFUL job of keeping things under control.

sims2fan · Sep 23, 2006

Yes I do agree that the mods here do a great job here. Most forums I have joined over the years have seen moderators who start off as nice people and metamorphasize into power-crazed dictators. The way the mods here deal with some people (espcially trolls) and not lose their sanity still amazes me.

neetanddave · Sep 23, 2006

Originally Posted by Sims2fan

Yes I do agree that the mods here do a great job here. Most forums I have joined over the years have seen moderators who start off as nice people and metamorphasize into power-crazed dictators. The way the mods deal with some people (espcially trolls) and not lose their sanity still amazes me.

They call them PHM (power hungry moderators) on some boards!

malena · Sep 24, 2006

This is a good discussion and it should be posted on all the threads. I have felt so welcome here and I have really been helped with the feral cats we have taken care of and now this place is where a begin and end my day. We all need that reminder sometimes. I try to keep a nice tone but I have to admit I slipped once and I still have a bad feeling about it. I hope there is forgivness.

I think it is also important to read the intire thread before posting. Often when I read an original post with a question there is one answer on the question and the rest of the posts are remarks on something that wasn't the issue. The remarks are often important but maybe it is enough to say it once and se if it falls in good earth before repeating it.

booktigger · Sep 24, 2006

A very good post. I think it is all too easy to forget that not everyone has the same knowledge we do, so what seems common sense to us isn't to others. I have only had cats 'on my own' for 4 years, and I cringe with some of the thigns I did in the beginning cos I followed what other people did. Joining cat forums has made a big difference, and if we push people away due to being a bit 'high and mighty', then cats might not suffer, but owners might not realise there are better ways of caring for cats than they do. And not everyone joins, some people might just browse (that is how I found this site, I was looking for info on an illness, and this came up), so if there are too many posts where we aren't correcting people, we might lose potential members.

shelleybik · Sep 24, 2006

i almost left this site a while ago,one paticular person was,well,down right offensive,and it REALLY upset me,i had to bite my tounge,i left for a week,but came back because 99% of the people here are freindly,caring,and offer great advice,with 6 cats to me this site is invaluable,so thanks to the 99% i was pretty new when that happened,i can see how something like that can turn people away,theres just no need for it.i wouldnt be here if i didnt want the best for my cats.and if I can help someone then thats brilliant too.

rosiemac · Sep 25, 2006

Originally Posted by shelleybik

i almost left this site a while ago,one paticular person was,well,down right offensive,and it REALLY upset me,i had to bite my tounge,i left for a week,but came back because 99% of the people here are freindly,caring,and offer great advice

To everyone, always remember if anyone has upset you in a thread to hit the report button on the thread in question, or pm one of the Moderators because this is another reason why we don't want to lose members

bluemum · Sep 25, 2006

I would agree with HopeHacker here. While I love a lot of the threads and information that I've found lurking (before regging) on TCS forums, I've noticed that there's a LOT of self-righteous lecturing going on when some poor new person asks a question that has some basis in ignorance.

"WELL I WOULD NEVER!" and "IF YOU LOVED YOUR CAT YOU WOULD/WOULDN'T" and "REAL CAT PEOPLE DO/DON'T" and "NO PERSON WOULD COME BETWEEN A REAL CAT LOVER AND THEIR CAT" and so on and so forth -- it's all very rude and quite unhelpful especially when the poster is obviously concerned enough to ask other people for advice instead of just gunning through in uneducated fashion about whatever issue they are asking about.

Maybe it's easier for people to be righteous jerks on the internet, since there is no one in front of their face to be upset or get angry, but it doesn't make it right at all. We won't always agree with each other and I wouldn't expect anyone to on any issue, but one thing we should all agree on is to treat each other with respect like the OP said --- this is not YOUR (you = general, not specific anyone) forum solely, you may have been here a long time, but that does not give anyone the right to be a pompous ass about anything !

I have to be quite honest, some posts I've read here just boggle my mind on how vicious some people can be -- if I wasn't already perverse and stubborn I would be very offput at posting any questions about things people are sensitive about (declawing, indoor/outdoor, etc etc).

A little less on the demagogy and more on the discussion please

commonoddity042 · Sep 25, 2006

Originally Posted by BlueMum

I would agree with HopeHacker here. While I love a lot of the threads and information that I've found lurking (before regging) on TCS forums, I've noticed that there's a LOT of self-righteous lecturing going on when some poor new person asks a question that has some basis in ignorance.

"WELL I WOULD NEVER!" and "IF YOU LOVED YOUR CAT YOU WOULD/WOULDN'T" and "REAL CAT PEOPLE DO/DON'T" and "NO PERSON WOULD COME BETWEEN A REAL CAT LOVER AND THEIR CAT" and so on and so forth -- it's all very rude and quite unhelpful especially when the poster is obviously concerned enough to ask other people for advice instead of just gunning through in uneducated fashion about whatever issue they are asking about.

Maybe it's easier for people to be righteous jerks on the internet, since there is no one in front of their face to be upset or get angry, but it doesn't make it right at all. We won't always agree with each other and I wouldn't expect anyone to on any issue, but one thing we should all agree on is to treat each other with respect like the OP said --- this is not YOUR (you = general, not specific anyone) forum solely, you may have been here a long time, but that does not give anyone the right to be a pompous ass about anything !

I have to be quite honest, some posts I've read here just boggle my mind on how vicious some people can be -- if I wasn't already perverse and stubborn I would be very offput at posting any questions about things people are sensitive about (declawing, indoor/outdoor, etc etc).

A little less on the demagogy and more on the discussion please

I must admit, that even as a member of this site for a tad over two years now, reading some of the responses to people's simple questions makes me cringe and log out. It is in fact the main reason I hardly check up on this site anymore. I couldn't imagine that the new people asking feel very differently.

Are You As Upset By This As I Am????

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