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- Jul 27, 2009
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I know, I'm really overwhelmed with the stress and heartbreak of watching her decline, and I'm trying to keep her "good" days as "good" days and not ruin the little security she feels at home - but I also don't want to stress her with going to the vets. Even though it will cost a fortune, I'm going to try my hardest and have the euthanasia done at home, barring some disarster that requires immediate euthanasia and the home guy can't get there in time.
I think if she were all around healthier, more robust and this was strictly about her minor kidney deficiency, and she were her "old" firecracker self, I'd have a much different attitude. I see muscle wasting, feeling bones where I shouldn't... Seems like most every time I approach her she gotta be thinking "oh what's she going to do to me now?" and I just want her to be happy when I approach just to pet her and love her. I see the worry on her face whenever I approach, and again - if she weren't dying, this would be a whole different ballgame.
The stomach cancer diagnosis I was in denial about was strictly from bloodwork numbers, so I was trying to convince myself they could be mistaken. But I don't think they are, I guess I just started accepting it and it's hitting me hard. I can see her fading, yet still fighting and it is so sad.
I wish I had the gumption to try to tackle this six months ago, or last year when she spiked. She is becoming so fragile now, psychologically for me - it's such a bad time, I want to be a comfort to her. I want to help of course, but if I had to guess I think we are only looking at another couple of weeks left maybe. Unless she has one of her famous bouncebacks, she's a fighter - but I really think she gave up when her brother died. She's a different cat now.
I agree I have to have the supplies at home, and once I accept the sutuation maybe I'll be stronger. I could pull this off in an emergency if I had to. Right now I'm just a crying mess, and her brothers recent death is hitting me too. It's complicated. I'll let you all know what happens, but right now I want to go home and pet her and hopefully she will purr and respond and not move away and flinch.
It's amazing how quickly everything can change.
I think if she were all around healthier, more robust and this was strictly about her minor kidney deficiency, and she were her "old" firecracker self, I'd have a much different attitude. I see muscle wasting, feeling bones where I shouldn't... Seems like most every time I approach her she gotta be thinking "oh what's she going to do to me now?" and I just want her to be happy when I approach just to pet her and love her. I see the worry on her face whenever I approach, and again - if she weren't dying, this would be a whole different ballgame.
The stomach cancer diagnosis I was in denial about was strictly from bloodwork numbers, so I was trying to convince myself they could be mistaken. But I don't think they are, I guess I just started accepting it and it's hitting me hard. I can see her fading, yet still fighting and it is so sad.
I wish I had the gumption to try to tackle this six months ago, or last year when she spiked. She is becoming so fragile now, psychologically for me - it's such a bad time, I want to be a comfort to her. I want to help of course, but if I had to guess I think we are only looking at another couple of weeks left maybe. Unless she has one of her famous bouncebacks, she's a fighter - but I really think she gave up when her brother died. She's a different cat now.
I agree I have to have the supplies at home, and once I accept the sutuation maybe I'll be stronger. I could pull this off in an emergency if I had to. Right now I'm just a crying mess, and her brothers recent death is hitting me too. It's complicated. I'll let you all know what happens, but right now I want to go home and pet her and hopefully she will purr and respond and not move away and flinch.
It's amazing how quickly everything can change.
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