VENT: I don't know what my step mom's problem is.

[kscatlady]

She is the only person who insists on breaking my heart over and over again. She's the only mother I have now. I don't talk to my real mom due to her refusal to get help for her drug problem. I moved in with my dad and step mom when I was 14. We ALWAYS got a long fine! I was a good teenager. When I turned 18 it went down hill. She kicked me out once, then changed her mind. Then second time she kicked me out, she did change her mind but I went anyway. I moved in with my mom and my life turned to .

I almost didn't make it out of that situation. I eventually moved back with my step mom and dad and found a job at an Italian restaurant where the owners took my under their wing and my life finally turned back around and I met my husband. She kicked me out again after being home for eight months and did change her mind but I was having none of it. I moved in with the owners of the restaurant and then moved in with my husband (boyfriend at the time). After that things were going better between my step mom and me again.

A few months ago I voted in this poll on facebook, I was so not trying to start anything! I was just sharing my opinion on MY page. She disagreed with me and commented and debated with some people on my post. She got so mad and blocked me and didn't talk to me for a month. I was devastated, I cried my heart out. Then she just started talking to me again.

Well, I stopped by on Monday to see dad and her and the next day she sent me an email and asked if I was pregnant. That's an annoying question. I was annoyed, partly because we're sort of unofficially trying to have a baby, third month and nada. So I said

"NO, why would you ask that? Why would I not tell you?"

Her: Dad said your boobs were bigger and he bets you are pregnant. And I said, "What in the world?" and then I said, "If she were pregnant she would tell me." Then he said, "Bet she is and doesn't know it yet." So go get a kit and check it out so I can say HA to your dad. The things he notices.....weird guy. V

Me:I'm not, ok? I think I know my boobs and my body.

Her: DO you have a sense of humor any more????????????

Me: I have an excellent sense of humor.

Her: You know, I don't know if I am taking you wrong lately, but I am feeling disrespected. Although I am only your stepmother, I did help your dad provide and care for you so when I say I AM tired of getting my head bit off all of the time and being disrespected I'm saying it as a MOM and I generally do not let people continue to disrespect me and remain in my life so you may need to rethink how you are reacting to me and treating me because I don't like it. If I am wrong and you are not meaning to be hurtful then I apologize but to be honest I can't even talk to you without getting my head bit off or you getting defensive lately.

I got that last part tonight and was flabbergasted! She's always trying to cut me out of her life.

I said back to her: I can see how this conversation would come across like I was biting your head off, if you read it a certain way...but that's not how I meant it. I meant it in a slightly exasperated tone at the most. And I don't know what other times you're talking about where I bit your head off...I apologize. I don't hurt people on purpose.

Then I went to bed and cried my heart out again. She's the only person who does that to me. I don't know what's wrong with her. I don't understand. She's done terrible things to me and I've always forgiven her, and SHE'S the christian!

I just needed to vent, my goodness this about the longest post I've ever made. I'm just upset. I can't make her happy. I never could.

[Natalie_ca]

I think part of the problem is your mode of communication. Typing/writing is not the best method to communicate accurately. There is no voice inflection or tone etc. It's very easy to mistake something or read something more or less into what is being typed/written.

I think in the future you should communicate solely by telephone or in person and leave the email/facebook communication to online friends.

[kscatlady]

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

I think part of the problem is your mode of communication. Typing/writing is not the best method to communicate accurately. There is no voice inflection or tone etc. It's very easy to mistake something or read something more or less into what is being typed/written.

I think in the future you should communicate solely by telephone or in person and leave the email/facebook communication to online friends.

That's a good point. I guess online is easier because I work nights, she works days, I have weekend days off, but that's my time with my husband. It's just hard to find to to talk to her and dad.

UGH! I'm in a really down mood right now, and I'm so tired, but I can never sleep when I'm upset.

[Natalie_ca]

I wouldn't be upset with her. I'm pretty sure it is all a misunderstanding on both your parts because neither of you can see facial expressions or hear voice inflections to indicate how each other is actually feeling and whether something is being said in jest. In person you could stick your tongue out, wink, nudge etc. In type all there is is letters and words.

Your step mom loves you, and you obviously love her too. Don't let stupid misunderstandings caused by ineffective communication come between you.

I understand that you want weekends to be with your husband. But your dad and step mom (actually she is your "Mom" because she's been there for you since you were a wee thing) are also family. So you need to make time for them too.

[Nekomania]

I can understand a miscommunication between typing words to each other, but you were obviously in close proximity when she kicked you out.

Did she have a good reason? I feel like you should never kick your children out of your house unless it is for an extreme circumstance.



My stepmom just recently kicked me out of her house as well, but I don't have any bond with her at all therefore I am not affected as much by it.

I think you guys need to have a good face to face talk, with your dad included so that you are all on the same page with how you guys feel!



You need to stop half-apologizing everytime she claims that you upset her and to let her know that she upsets you quite frequently.

[strange_wings]

Do you know how at work you have to remain civil with your fellow employees even if you can't stand their guts? Whenever she's starting to pick at you, just switch into that mode. Nod, say "sure, ok" and paste a fake smile on your face. Don't give her anything to go on and don't lose your cool. Make it a challenge for yourself. Try to keep really personal stuff to yourself if she might cause any sort of trouble with it.

Instead of making a big ordeal about them thinking you were pregnant you should have said something like "I got a new bra! It's great isn't it?". That either would have turned into a conversation about bras or stopped the subject right then and there.

[Keycube]

Being a total stranger to you, I hate to overanalyze something online, but being that there seems a consensus that the conversation you had seems fairly innocuous, then perhaps there are other factors at work.

The words that resonated for me are the ones stating that you don't interact with your mother anymore, she has a drug problem that prevents as much, and that a lot of turmoil occured during your formative years that necessitated someone having to take your mom's place. That's rough. Damn rough.

It looks as though it was a fairly seamless transition at the time, save for a few moments, but was it really? Are there other issues you need to stare down - with your mom, your stepmom, and maybe even your dad, before things can be truly "right", and allow you to interact without assumptions?

Sorry if I overstepped anything; it's just how I interpreted things.

[Yosemite]

It sounds as though you tend to push each others' buttons. I hope it gets sorted out for you but maybe you just need a break from each other for awhile. I know I cannot take too much of either of my brothers at any one time.

[3CatsN1Dog]

I know how you feel where your tone of voice may be misinterpretted as snippy. I do it all the time even though Im not feeling that way people think Im being snippy or rude. Its not intentional but if Im thinking about something and someone is talking to me Ill just speak and not think about HOW Im saying things. Im also HORRIBLE at speaking to people face to face especially if its serious. My mom and I have issues all the time and sometimes the only way for me to work things out with her and get my point across without her thinking Im a jerk is to just email her and explain everything no matter how much I repeat myself or how long it is. Its better to just get it all out at once. Personally if I were in your shoes I would email her with a long email about how you feel and that if she thinks your being snippy your really not (if your not) and tell her that how she acts or things she says can hurt your feelings too and if your harboring resentment about her kicking you out before than bring that up and let her know that it still hurts you and its still something you think about. Maybe that way you both can get your feelings out without other people getting involved and it will stay between the two of you..I hope it all works out for you..Cheer up it will get better!

[LaRussa]

I would cut all ties with this woman, she is not good for you or your health. If you want to see your Dad, call and meet him someplace or have him come to your home but stay away from this witch. She obviously is out to get you for whatever reason. Stay clear of her.

[libby74]

I would cut all ties with this woman, she is not good for you or your health. If you want to see your Dad, call and meet him someplace or have him come to your home but stay away from this witch. She obviously is out to get you for whatever reason. Stay clear of her.

That was pretty much my gut reaction, as well.
This woman kicked you out of HER home (didn't your Dad live there, too?) HOW many times? It sounds to me as if she has serious control issues with you. It's obvious that you love her, but does she really deserve it at this point?
Personally, I would rather have no Mother figure in my life than put up with the bull your step-Mom is giving you. And then she calls you disrespectul?! IMO, you need to distance yourself, at least for a little while. You're trying to become pregnant---wishing you loads of good luck!. Once you have a little person, I can almost assure you the control issues are going to get even worse. You don't need the stress or the hurt she's causing you.
I hope I haven't over-stepped; I just think you deserve a break from all the drama.

[kscatlady]

Thanks so much for all the comments and input. I don't think I can cut her out of my life though. I just can't she's my mother. Those times she kicked me out, I think she was half crazy from menopause. It's usually ok between us, I just wish she would stop threatening to cut me out of her life. That really hurts. She emailed me this morning and said: Oh I'm sorry. I know you don't. I was crabby last night. You are the sweetest person I know. Grandparents wait for grandbabies with bated breath. I'm just afraid I'll die before I get one.

Apologies from her are rare. I told her she would get one before she dies and we need to be careful with this online communication stuff...we get ourselves in trouble.

I just wish it were as easy for my husband to forgive her as it is for me. He gets so upset when someone make me cry like that.