Herding Cats at Home - April 2006

Written by Wendy Christensen

Q: I have an 11 month old boy Cornish Rex, Romeo. My parents and I bought him and his brother about 6 months ago. They got altered at 7 months and have been the perfect cats, unlike any we have had before.

A couple of months ago I moved into an apartment with Romeo and he has been a totally different cat. He is super noisy and needy. His play level has also increased a lot, probably due to the fact that he and his brother are separated now. He used to LOVE being held, not letting me put him down, sometimes I'd hold him for an hour straight. He also did this neat thing where he'd jump up to me (to be held) when I patted my stomach. Now that concept is completely foreign to him and he only lets me hold him for 5 seconds, then squirms to get down. It is just so weird, like a totally different cat.

He also has become VERY vocal, crying when he wants attention, even though I give him a lot. He also only drinks water from the faucet and meows by the sink until someone turns the water on. I've tried to ignore him, but feel so bad and he just won't stop. He just seems so neurotic now. He's still a very good cat, sweet, sleeps with me under the covers every night, etc. But a few things that I miss have changed. Do you think it's the move? A smaller environment? Being away from his brother? Oh, I also take him to my parents house every week or two and he visits with his brother. They love it, like they've never been separated, and he still knows where the litter box and food is, it's very cool. But, when I bring him there, he's quiet and doesn't act neurotic, although he still doesn't like to be held.

What I can do? Should I start ignoring his crying.

A: I think Romeo is definitely lonesome. And while he's specifically lonesome for his brother at the moment, I think what he needs in general is the company of cat(s) to be really happy. Cats are much more social, and sociable, animals that people generally realize, and really do prefer the company of other cats - as long as there's plenty of everything (food, love and attention, space, litter boxes, etc.) to go around. Small wild cats tend to be unsocial loners because their lives are so tough - they must hunt and compete, and defend territory, for every bit of food they get. So their social tendencies are overridden by their need to survive from day to day.

But a lone domestic pet cat, especially a social breed like a Rex, is going to be very lonesome if he doesn't have someone (cat or human) to interact with all the time. (I'm assuming you're at work or out much of the daytime hours.) Personally, I think it's cruel and insensitive to ignore a lone cat's social needs, though it happens a lot because people don't yet realize that cats ARE social animals under good living conditions. Is there any possibility that you could bring Romeo's brother to live with you and Romeo? Let your parents keep Romeo so the boys can be together? (And get a couple of new cats for yourself?) Adopt a couple of kittens to keep Romeo company at your place?

I think it's not just a matter of ignoring his cries. Many behaviorists will advise this, but what happens is that eventually the lonely cat just gives up and stops seeking out companionship entirely, and becomes a sad, lonely recluse. His true personality never gets a chance to shine. I think this kind of situation is tragic.

So rather than ignoring his cries, pay attention to what they're saying: "I'm lonesome, I'm unhappy," and brainstorm about what you can do to make his life more complete. He acts needy because he IS needy. He's not "neurotic," really; he's just trying very, very hard to communicate his loneliness and unhappiness to you. But if he remains in that state, he may truly become a permanently sad, even "neurotic" cat. And that would be a shame.

I wonder... Is Romeo's brother at your parent's house showing similar signs when the boys are separated? Or does he have other cats there to keep him company? You might well discover that answering this question shows that Romeo is not necessarily lonely JUST for his brother, but more for the daily company of his own species.

As for the faucet-drinking, he may just be enjoying the extra attention, or telling you he wants a cat fountain. There are several brands available (Drinkwell, CatIt, Fresh Flow) and most cats really love them.

Q: We have an 11-month-old neutered male, who is a wonderful cat. He came to us as a rescued kitten at about 12 weeks old. We have two rough collies and he has become very doglike in his behavior and is great mates with one of our dogs. He is very large - over 16 pounds.

We have bought home a small kitten, who is 12 weeks old and he is yet to be neutered. He is coping quite well with the other cat but our older cat is harassing him and behaving very oddly. He is showing signs of being really obsessive about the cat, but not aggressive at all. He ends up becoming very stressed, he pants, is agitated and is fixated on grabbing the new cat but is never savage but is very rough. We're not sure what to do.

A: I suspect your boy cat is just feeling maternal. A surprising number or male cats, especially after being neutered, show a strong "maternal" streak that can look like obsession in many ways. The cat tries to hold down the kitten, groom him, wash his ears, etc., just like MamaCat would do. It's quite possible that he is being rougher than necessary because he's never had a female to teach him how to do "the Mom thing" correctly.

Interestingly, I recently adopted 2 kittens, who are now about 15 weeks old. One of my 5-year-old males is acting in just this way. He just loves kitten-grooming. Fortunately, his sister and litter-mate taught him the Mom ropes with my 2 calico babies about 4 years ago. Even though she had never had kittens herself, she had perfect instinctive mom skills, and taught them to both of her brothers.

It's perhaps the case that your cat has not been exposed to enough "cat culture" (teaching and examples from other cats) so doesn't know quite what to do. So he's imitating "dog culture," which is the culture he knows best. Over time, he'll "learn by doing" and figure out how to better interact with the new little fellow. Meanwhile, the fact that he's not being aggressive or harmful in any way shows that his heart is in the right place. The two cats will adjust to each other, and discover at their own pace how best to structure their relationship, and their relationships with the dogs and with you.

Q: I have a rescued kitten who is now 7 months old, very healthy and recently neutered and tattooed. He goes absolutely insane to go outside - howls and paces. I've been letting him outside little by little on a halter as I want him to get used to his garden.

His first 5 weeks of life were horrible - he was essentially feral. We have another male cat (3 years old) who goes outside for a few hours a day, and when the little guys sees this he goes crazy. I am terrified to let him out. I have introduced him to cars (made a loud scary sound to scare him away from cars) and have done everything I can think of to ensure his is safe.

I want him to be able to go outside to play and explore, but I'm afraid he will not come back. Any suggestions? Or do you feel that he is acclimatized enough to his home that he will stick pretty close? Will he revert back to being the feral little I found 7 months ago?? My cats have a huge cat enclosure and tons and tons of toys to keep them entertained but I know he would be happy frolicking outside every once in a while.

A: I have a very strong bias in favor of the safe, enriched indoor-only lifestyle for cats. So my first thought is to keep him indoors, and also wean your older cat away from outdoor excursions.

But, this is also a very individual matter. Mainly, it depends upon what kind of relationship you have, and want to have, with your cats. Some people are perfectly fine with indoor-outdoor cats, knowing that there are possibilities that someday they will simply not come back and their fate will forever remain a mystery. I'm just not like that.

Many owners have devised clever solutions to this dilemma, such as outdoor cat enclosures. There are some huge and quite magnificent ones you can "visit" online. Other owners train their cats to walk with a leash and halter and take regular turns about the neighborhood. One friend of mine has enclosed her entire back yard with Cat-Fence so her cats can go in and out at will, yet still be "in" and safe.

You also need to evaluate the your own specific risks of unsupervised outdoor excursions. For example, around here, coyote and fisher are a bigger danger than vehicles. But there are lots of risks, everywhere.

Whether your former feral will stick close to home, or wander far off and disappear, depends on many things, including your neighborhood/area's special characteristics, his own temperament, the mix and number of other animals (domestic and wildlife) also out and about in the area, climate, proximity to busy roads, etc. It can be a tough decision.

Knowing my bias... I would strongly advise you to improve the appeal of your indoor environment so that the outdoors becomes much less interesting. Many cat owners have discovered that the "just a little bit of outdoors" doesn't really help, and just makes a cat think about going out even more obsessively, while "indoors only, cold turkey" actually makes it easier (after a transition period). In my book, "The Humane Society of the United States Complete Guide to Cat Care," I include a step-by-step plan for convincing a cat that indoors really is better.

Again, though, it's your decision to make, and is, I feel, based on your expectations for your human-feline relationship. Perhaps your best move would be to enclose part of your garden, or put up a screened gazebo or shed for the cats.

Q: I have a female, unspayed cat, about 2 years old. I think that she was mistreated when she was younger and although I know that she adores me, she won't be held. I know that she trusts me because she'll sleep 6 - 18 inches from me at night, loves to be pet and to play, but not to be held. Are there any techniques that I could use to help her acclimate to being held without fear?

I've tried to hold her gently for short periods of time. At first, she would be terrified, scream and struggle, then hide once I let her down. After several months, she no longer screams and struggles for freedom, but is obviously uncomfortable. However, when I do put her down, she doesn't run, but will turn around, purring, to be petted again. It seems like she's made strides! I worry, though, that this might not be the correct way to approach the situation. In addition, although I've gained her trust, she gives this sort of "Stay away! Just leave me alone!" yell when other people approach. I'm not sure how to help her acclimate to other people.

A: Your first priority is to get your cat spayed. The hormonal roller-coaster she's on every time she goes into heat is probably contributing to her delay in getting around to trusting you and others. An intact female cat is going to be more territorial and more "wild" than a spayed female. After all, an intact female must be prepared to raise, feed, protect and defend her babies, which calls for considerable reserves of courage, toughness and, for want of a better word, "wildness." So, get her fixed ASAP. It will make her much more amenable to domestic life and the company of humans.

As she recovers, take advantage by hand-feeding her some spectacularly delicious treat - turkey baby food works well, or anything she really, really adores. Have her lick it off your finger. Let her know that if she approaches you and seeks out your presence and attention, there will be some of her special treat in it for her! Give her a few licks, then pet, praise, stroke, and speak gently and lovingly. Make this a most pleasant time for her (and you). Over time, you'll find that she's more and more comfortable with you.

She may never be particularly fond of being held -- some cats (even those who have never been mistreated) just don't like it, preferring to sit close by but not ON their person. Of course, as cats, they reserve the right to change their minds at any time. I had a calico who just "didn't do laps" - until she was about 16, when she decided, one day, that she was a lap cat after all - IF that lap was covered by a cozy throw or blanket. So let her take things at her own pace, and never force her to be held if she clearly doesn't prefer it.

Same for introducing her to others - best to let her make any moves in that direction. Once she's comfortable with you and trusts you, it will be easier for her to learn to transfer some of that trust to others, but it may take considerable time. Again, some cats are just "one-human" cats and will be just OK with all others, while adoring their one, true human love.

Over all, success comes from patience, love, tolerance for setbacks, and - especially - letting your cat set the pace. Cats can't be forced, but they can be encouraged and persuaded over time. Make sure she knows that in trusting you, she will gain important benefits otherwise unattainable. And keep a calm, positive, loving attitude. She will pick up on it readily (cats are extremely sensitive to our emotions and states of mind) and respond in kind.

Q: My daughter and I have one-year-old male Himalayan neutered cats that are brothers. My cat has been aggressive with his brother and now yesterday attacked company (lady and her child) when they came into the house. He was friendly at first, then started hissing, and jumped and bit the lady. I am taking him to his vet tomorrow but my question is: Could the neutering not be completely successful and this is what caused the aggression? What other alternative can there be to help him settle down and be the friendly cat he was as a kitten? This is the first cat I have ever had and I am very worried about him. I don't want people being afraid of him.

A: It's possible, though not that likely, that the neutering was incomplete. Taking him to the veterinarian is the best first step. Ask your veterinarian to test the cat's testosterone level to see if that might be the case. If not, it may be some other medical problem (like a urinary tract infection, pain, etc.) that may be causing your cat to exhibit cranky behavior. A more complete series of tests may be necessary to uncover any underlying medical issues. The fact that the aggressive behavior towards people appeared relatively suddenly suggests to me that it's likely due to a medical problem.

If it's not a medical problem, it may be just the "teenager behavior" that shows up in many cats, as well as people. He may be pushing the envelope just to see what he can get by with. In that case, just ignoring him and leaving the room (removing the audience) when he misbehaves may indicate to him that this kind of behavior will not get him the attention he wants. For now, confine him in a fully-equipped "safe hideaway" room when visitors are expected.

If his problem is behavioral (not medical) and it persists or worsens, ask your veterinarian about the possibility of a course of a behavior-modification drug. These aren't the old-fashioned tranquilizers; they are medications that help settle down a cat while he forms more acceptable social habits. They are generally safe and can be quite useful.

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