Herding Cats at Home - April 2006

A: Your first priority is to get your cat spayed. The hormonal roller-coaster she's on every time she goes into heat is probably contributing to her delay in getting around to trusting you and others. An intact female cat is going to be more territorial and more "wild" than a spayed female. After all, an intact female must be prepared to raise, feed, protect and defend her babies, which calls for considerable reserves of courage, toughness and, for want of a better word, "wildness." So, get her fixed ASAP. It will make her much more amenable to domestic life and the company of humans.

As she recovers, take advantage by hand-feeding her some spectacularly delicious treat - turkey baby food works well, or anything she really, really adores. Have her lick it off your finger. Let her know that if she approaches you and seeks out your presence and attention, there will be some of her special treat in it for her! Give her a few licks, then pet, praise, stroke, and speak gently and lovingly. Make this a most pleasant time for her (and you). Over time, you'll find that she's more and more comfortable with you.

She may never be particularly fond of being held -- some cats (even those who have never been mistreated) just don't like it, preferring to sit close by but not ON their person. Of course, as cats, they reserve the right to change their minds at any time. I had a calico who just "didn't do laps" - until she was about 16, when she decided, one day, that she was a lap cat after all - IF that lap was covered by a cozy throw or blanket. So let her take things at her own pace, and never force her to be held if she clearly doesn't prefer it.

Same for introducing her to others - best to let her make any moves in that direction. Once she's comfortable with you and trusts you, it will be easier for her to learn to transfer some of that trust to others, but it may take considerable time. Again, some cats are just "one-human" cats and will be just OK with all others, while adoring their one, true human love.

Over all, success comes from patience, love, tolerance for setbacks, and - especially - letting your cat set the pace. Cats can't be forced, but they can be encouraged and persuaded over time. Make sure she knows that in trusting you, she will gain important benefits otherwise unattainable. And keep a calm, positive, loving attitude. She will pick up on it readily (cats are extremely sensitive to our emotions and states of mind) and respond in kind.

A: It's possible, though not that likely, that the neutering was incomplete. Taking him to the veterinarian is the best first step. Ask your veterinarian to test the cat's testosterone level to see if that might be the case. If not, it may be some other medical problem (like a urinary tract infection, pain, etc.) that may be causing your cat to exhibit cranky behavior. A more complete series of tests may be necessary to uncover any underlying medical issues. The fact that the aggressive behavior towards people appeared relatively suddenly suggests to me that it's likely due to a medical problem.

If it's not a medical problem, it may be just the "teenager behavior" that shows up in many cats, as well as people. He may be pushing the envelope just to see what he can get by with. In that case, just ignoring him and leaving the room (removing the audience) when he misbehaves may indicate to him that this kind of behavior will not get him the attention he wants. For now, confine him in a fully-equipped "safe hideaway" room when visitors are expected.

If his problem is behavioral (not medical) and it persists or worsens, ask your veterinarian about the possibility of a course of a behavior-modification drug. These aren't the old-fashioned tranquilizers; they are medications that help settle down a cat while he forms more acceptable social habits. They are generally safe and can be quite useful.