Herding Cats at Home - March 2005

A: I've never attempted to toilet-train a cat… I think that success (or lack thereof) depends on the cat. I've heard of cats who just decided to train themselves - emulating their humans, I guess. I've also heard from a few people who have toilet-trained successfully, and love to brag about the accomplishment.

But personally, I would actually rather my cats use a litter box. I think of a litter box as a sort of "letter box" It's really full of important "messages." First signs of illness so often show up in amount, type, (or lack of) "messages" deposited therein. It is for the same reason that I'm wary of those automatic, or so-called "self-cleaning" boxes. To me, that would take away an important source of daily intelligence about my cats' ongoing health.

I've observed that many "only cats" really prefer two (or more) boxes, preferring to urinate in one and defecate in the other. (SO tidy!) And speaking of tidy… one of my cats will jump in the box and "tidy up" after any of the other cats who don't bury according to her standards. She hops in and works very hard to bring the box up to her specs. If I see a perfect little pyramid in the center of the box - well, I know Chrysanthemum was there!

A: I think you have a very polite and thoughtful cat! It could be that he's not pleased with your new choice of litter, and that he's selected an alternative for himself. In doing this, he's been quite considerate of you. (He could have chosen a closet, or the corner of your dining room, for example.) If this is the case, it's likely that he wants you to know he doesn't approve of the new litter, but that he wants to communicate this displeasure in a way that won't upset you too much.

Cats hate change - especially changes that impact their daily activities and rituals. Cats especially hate changes in their litter box setups. They get quite accustomed to the scent, texture and "paw-feel" of a particular litter, and expect that same "experience" whenever they visit the box. By buying a different litter, you've caused your cat a certain amount of stress, and he's decided to tell you about it - politely.

An alternative explanation is that he's experiencing some pain or distress in the litter box because of a bout of cystitis (inflammation of the bladder), a bladder infection or other related illness. All these illnesses can be caused, and worsened, by stress. The stress of losing his mate may have brought on an illness of this type. Your cat may be ill or in pain, and may associate his litter box with the pain. He may prefer a smooth, cool or hard surface instead of the filler in his box; cats with cystitis and other urinary tract problems often show a sudden preference for smooth, cool surfaces.

In any case, I would suggest you take him to the veterinarian for a check-up. Be sure to tell the veterinarian what you've observed, and how long it's been going on.

Meanwhile, I would suggest returning to his old, familiar litter. Also, it would be wise to set up a second litter box, perhaps near the tub or shower he's been using. If he's been ill, it may be that he's been having trouble getting to the box in time.

Believe it or not, there are cat owners who don't mind their cats using a tub or shower enclosure instead of a litter box. There ARE advantages: It's not the worst place a cat could choose; big savings on litter; quick and easy clean up -- everything's right there; plus, easy detection of early warning signs of illness.

But if you really don't want to encourage this practice:

-- Block access. Keep the bathroom door closed at all times. But make sure your cat has plenty of handy, acceptable alternatives available.

-- If you can't keep the bathroom door closed, try keeping about an inch of water in the shower stall and tub at all times. (Don't do this if you have young kittens, who can easily drown.)

-- Monitor your cat's elimination activities vigilantly for awhile to make sure he hasn't selected an even less acceptable location.

A: I'm sure your cat loves you... but there may be a number of reasons she seems to prefer your husband's company to yours...

Perhaps your cat enjoys the challenge of working on turning your "cat-hating" husband into a cat lover. Seriously, though, quite often cats choose their "favorite" humans for reasons that aren't clear to us. Scent is VERY important to cats. Perhaps she enjoys your husband's scent more than she likes yours.

Or, there may be something about you that makes you less appealing as a human your cat wants to spend her quiet time with. It could be a scent issue - maybe a perfume or other scented product you use is unpleasant to her, or just too strong. (Cats' sense of smell is very sensitive.) Perhaps you walk too fast or move around too swiftly, and she finds that unnerving. My cats object to me wearing shoes in the house - they find them too noisy, perhaps - so I always take my shoes off at the door and go barefoot (or just in socks) indoors. (This has the added advantages of keeping the house cleaner and quieter.)

Perhaps your cat finds that your husband is more "welcoming" as a companion. Does he talk to her more? Does he listen to her more? Perhaps you're too busy with your daily routines to give her the time and attention she craves… although you're her primary caregiver, she might find you too busy or rushed to just take the time to "just be" with her. You might try just sitting down quietly for a set period of time each day (when your husband isn't around) and just talking quietly with her, or even reading to her. Take some quiet time to admire her, really notice her and get to know her better. (I'm not saying you haven't done this, but perhaps if you make it a project and focus JUST on her for a set period of time each day - when you slow down and just relax in her presence - she'll come to appreciate your company more. Go ahead, pour on the flattery and praise - cats LOVE it!)

Finally, remember that cats do what they do for reasons that make perfect sense to them, but not always to us. It could be that she doesn't realize that you're unhappy with the situation. (Cats are generally pretty sensitive to our feelings, but they don't always pick up on everything.) Or, she may know how you feel, but think it much more important right now to win over the household "cat hater." She may believe that her position in your home isn't really secure until she completely wins him over - so she's focusing on him. Remember, feeling secure in their territory is one of the most important things to cats.